It is with regret that I announce that beef will no longer feature on the school menu.
Unfortunately our hand-reared cattle have ‘done a bunk’ and broken out of their pen. We will be investigating this matter thoroughly with local police, who we are sure will apprehend the culprit.
We will be holding a candle-lit vigil in the grounds of the school to raise awareness of their disappearance, as well as a Year 7 production of MOO that was created in response to the incident.
Meat eaters, rest assured that chicken, lamb and pork will still be available from the school canteen, but we will leave out an empty tray in honour of our 32 grass-fed, fur-stroked cows.